Role play

Slightly flush from sangria. Just back from dinner with X. Things have been going well, despite our mismatched work schedules. Seeing me seemed to have brightened his evening, after a long stressful day at work for him, at least I think so...he did not disagree when I said something of the sort...of course he could just be a good liar....

That's the thing about new relationship-ish situations (I hesitate to call this anything full fledged at the moment)- they make me slightly insecure. They also remind me once again of all the flaws that I might have that my friends currently ignore, b/c, as someone once said “friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway”. I hate to be so girly and insecure about things, wondering what he thinks or if I am tipping my hand. I hate to give up my edge, if and when I have one. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself that he is not perfect either. Everyone has flaws. And that this is not about power.

[Besides, some might say that women really wear the pants in a realitionship, since we control the access to the sex.]


My doubts also lie with X himself. I wonder:

• Is he too set in his ways?
• A bachelor too long (is it really too long at age 30)?
• His schedule too odd to permit anything resembling normalcy (for him and/or for me)?
• If I do indeed fit into his life, what role does he see me in?